lets play a game shall we?
what has a 24 hour battery life
can hold up to 2,000 songs and
up to 5 hours of video
and is just over 6mm thick?
Another hint?
Product (RED) ring a bell

it's the new ipod nano sitting on my dresser still in its box still untouched still unopened.
this mp3 player that you can easily hide in your pocket has caused me more problems than anyone can believe. who doesnt want an ipod? when nearly everyone around you has one and you dont its bound to come up in conversation. Yes i wanted an ipod, i wont deny that. but i never wanted it to put me in this situation. If i open that box more than just an ipod, some headphones and a USB cable are going to come out of it. im afraid that opening that box will unleash more problems than i can handle right now.

so i still consider myself
ipodless.

Have you ever been halfway through a peanut M&M and realized that there might not have been a peanut in it. its a strange feelilng because you have a pack of peanut M&M's because you wanted Peanut M&M's, if you wanted the milk chocolate ones you would have pushed D4 insead of D5. but at the same time you are pleased because who can be mad at more chocolate. displeased and pleased at the same time. how to deal?
Thats what ive been lately. compleat opposites all at once. but certainly not myself. I think it has a lot to do with my cuurent situations. Working in Bowling, somithing i care nothing about. the reason it means anything to me at all is because it means to much to my dad, and so i do care about it, enought to come out here and try my hand at it and help carry on my dads accomplishments. I tried right? i cant do this againt though. I'll never be able to fill his shoes though, he has passion for it. i dont. sooo i think this will be my one and only USBC tourniment. which means that im yet again clueless about what i want to do with my life.

at least im not alone.

..But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way"

I think that today is national fanny pack day and nobody told me. so im the odd one out? sometimes i just cant like people in general.

sometimes a few nice words can change the whole direction of the conversation.

crazy night last night. glad that i decided to call my sister for a ride home instead of listening to the little devil version of me on my left sholder, and getting behind the wheel.

Northstar is already colsed for the season. so i went to Mt. Rose on wednesday since it was college wednesday and that means 21 dollars with valid college id. which i have. it was sweet. im sweet on my board.

isnt it funny how one song can have different meanings to you depending on when you hear it in your life. I hit the scan butten on my radio today and i heard the end of blink 182's "I Miss You" and ive been listening to it on repeat on PureVolume ever since, minus the occasional "adams song" to mix it up a bit. But after listening to same "I miss you" that i always have, this time around im hearing another ballid. one that suits my situation as of now. i like that. a song that evolves with you instead of falling off.

im kindof shaken up right now. i just went downstairs and outside to our long term storage containers at work to pull a cruiser double ball roller bag out for a costomer and when i walked out of the container there was a man in shades standing not four feet from where i was. he was holding a pair of womens brown sunglasses close to his body but in a mannor that suggested he was showing them to me. i said to the man "oh no those aren't mine" he said nothing more than "they're a gift." i politly told him no thank you, lifted the dolly that had 4 rolling bowling bags on it, and almost got hit by a bus in my hurry to get away from the suspicious figure. he started after me but when i waved and pretended to know the man in the cheavy pick up truck coming out of the parking garrage that i was going into, he hesitataed and took another route. and that was that.

i miss him. every molecule of me aches for him.

i slept for 12 hours last night. i feel asleep watching sex and the city reruns on my couch. i did make it to my bed eventualy. and i slept for 12 hours... why am i so tired today?

I just got proposed to. i told him if he had a large bank account and he threw in a fararri i would consider it. he was probably in his early 50's. he started spouting his ideas about life. "if you're not happy", he said "then theres no point in living" simply put. the sad thing is that every body knows this and it sounds soo stupid actully comming out of someones mouth. as if he had just realized it and wanted to enlighten us with his realezation. i dont feel like going into detail about my feeling on this. i just wanted to talk about the man who proposed to me.

Kyle Baumgardner! Snap out of it. We are where we are. and it is going to be frusturating until there isnt 3,000 miles between us. But its like my wanna be fiance said, and you make me happy even when ther are states and oceans between us and all we have are phone calls to get us by. 2 months kid. we've done this before. lets do it right this time.

i just wanted to let everyone know how wonderful it is out side today.... by wonderful i mean varietatious! see right now im sitting on my porch in my bikini. im serious. mid-march bakini wether? sooo yeah thats weird but awesome. but whats even more awesome is the fact that in about 3 hours i will be at Squaw Valley, Transworld Snowboarding magazines number 4 on the top 10 places in north america to go boarding, snowboarding. bikini to snowboarding. im so excited! dispite the fact that im only 20 and cant compleatly expirience the night life here in Reno, life is still pretty sweet.

im really bored at work right now and i just heard a bolwer refer to his son as "Homie McSkillett". where did he get that?

"... Its funny how things work out.
We all have thoughts inside our head,
almost every minute of the day.
Countless ideas that are kept to ourselves, never truly known
or understood by others.
On occasion what a comfort it is to share them,
finding that someone else has had similar thinking.
Even now,
as I write this,
gazing at the computer screen,
thoughts flow.
Such things as,
"What the hell do I know?" and
"Why am I up so late?"
run through my mind.
Many times these spurts from the brain are ignored,
replaced with focus on a task.
Yet they continue,
thrown aside, as they are deemed unimportant at the time.
It is here,
within the endless thoughts,
that the answers to all the questions are buried.
With time these answers are found,
only to make way for another wave of interrogation.
We are never content with our findings,
solutions to the problems we create.
Instead we plow on,
creating new situations to solve.
Without this drive thought becomes worthless.
If there are no questions there is no need for answers...."

it never ends.

.....and it seems to be my specialty.

i wish i knew what i wanted.

sometimes i think my life is worthy of early Brand New lyrics.

sometimes i think that might be giving it too much credit.

sometimes not enough.

all is fare in love and war.

“You’re always leaving.”
A statement I have heard several times on many occasions lately. Tuesday starts a new chapter in my life… I think this one should be called Reno. That maybe because I’m not skilled in the art of creative naming. In fact the most interesting name I’ve had for something was for my horse Spinner, but I didn’t even come up with that name.
I digress.
The truth of the matter is that I am not always leaving. This is only the second time. (the first being Germany) I know some people don’t understand why I am taking off again. There are many reasons. The best being that I cant stand this mundane lifestyle longer than I have to, so any decent opportunity to improve myself else where is one that I’m likely to take. I could be screwing myself royally though. I already postponed school a whole year, and now another semester? Learning the family business is just as important as my college education. Both hold ground to my future. But how can I try to sort out my future when I can’t even sort out now? I don’t know how I feel about this except excited. Not excited in the “OMG I’m soooo excited!” sense but more in the literal meaning of the word.
And going isn’t even the scariest part.
Coming back is.

“Let the waves up take me down. Let the hurricane set in motion. Let the rain of what I feel right now come down. Let the rain come down…. goodbye”

I havent posted since october. i swore off depressing journals because they make me, well, depressed. and why would i want to bestow my personal problems on to the www.foreveryonetoread.com circut. doesnt sound too apealing. and whats worse is that its just a web page. i wouldnt want anything(or lack there of)on a web page to effect my day. (i probably wouldnt let it either)so why should i try to effect anyone elses in mine. just a thought but also a hipocritical statement depending on how you look at it.

but looking back on it im glad i didnt right anything about the past few months in here. i would have only just looked back and felt a lot of negative feelings. negative feelings that have decreased these past few weeks all because of one thing. its a very good thing in my life, but im not going to tell you what it is because if you dont already know then i dont think i will trouble you with it because it most likely doesnt effect you anyway, and i most certainly wouldnt want to effect anyone by a silly web page.

Im going to go on a secret adventure ive decided.

I've been hit like a mosquito on your arm in the summer time. Saturday i received 3 wonderful letters in the mail. One was from Buffalo State College, stating that i have 2 weeks to pay up or else, the second was from my car insurance company, telling me that i had been canceled since October 8th and the last letter that really was wonderful and not in the sarcastic way, was a Halloween card (napoleon dynamite style)/ letter from Sydney. i swear had i not received that letter from her my disperse would have gotten more than the best of me.

Even though Sydneys letter did cheer me up,i still couldnt help but cry. I am responsible for taking care of both of the first 2 letters. me responsible for large sums of money. when did i become an adult, i mean last time i checked 19 was still in the teens. but for some reason everyone seems so be bestowing large amounts of responsibility on the most ungrateful of characters, me. I, who have never been organized and have never played for anything in any other form other than cash.

I wish i had a time machine. i would go back to when i was in high school and life seemed stressful and tell myself to just enjoy life because pretty soon you wont be able too. but then again who knows, when im 29 i might want to come back to now and tell myself the same thing. But even a one second time machine would be cool. like in the movie 'The Science of Sleep' when Stephan is explaining to Stephanie the point of his one second time macheine.My perspective on it is that the writer was trying to tell us that one seconds time is enough time change one small thing. something you wish you had done or had not done. Stephan used one of his gained seconds to kiss Stephanie. later on he used it to undo running into a man on the street, but he kept running into him anyway, because he couldn’t help it.I think the deeper meaning behind this is that one second is enough time to change your life completely just by doing one small thing differently, but other things just are the way they are and no matter how bad you want to change them, they remain unchangeable. One of the reasons they may be unchangeable could be because of one tiny thing that you did in just a second sometime in your past. or it could just be that things simply just are the way they are just because. But i should see that movie again. I really enjoyed it the first time. But it’s more like a puzzle than a movie. So i think i will have to buy it and watch it a few more times to uncover all its hidden meanings.

i think i should just sit back and take a few yoga breaths and enjoy everything around me despite the stress im feeling, because any second could be the second that changes everything.

"... and dread the day when dreaming ends?"

Love.

I love my girlies.... they always know just what to say. us girls have been through a lot together. happy times and very sad times. they are always there for me and i am always there for them... and i love them.

Love.

its a much better feeling than hate.

Just simply Love.

you make me miserable.


hows that for an entry... happy now?

self reflection time:

things i like about my self:
I can speak german
I can sing
I'm pretty
I'm whitty
I have a great personality
I can laugh at myself
I can see the error in my ways
I can corret those errors even when it might be the last thing in the world that i want
I can bounce back faster than anyone that I know

Im surprised at how well i feel today. I think self reflection is very important in growing as a person. I'm not over what he did to me. but im getting there. Pretty soon i will be able to laugh at this. I guess I was the dumb one in this situation. I who knew all the cercomstances and let them play out for as long as they did. I guess i feel a bit bad for her, because she doesnt know who he really is.... on second though, i feel bad for him. he doenst even know who he is.

so i have .2 second to write this entry but i have a lot of built up emotions right now and thought it would a good idea to spew them befor i have to leave for work. so.... jetzt gehst los.

I just found out that i cant go on with 2 really important people in my life. im torn between them and as a reasult i am physically and emotiontally tired. being half a world away from someone who you really care about and who really carse about you is tooo trying for me. i've already done it. and the whole "it will just make you stronger" bit ibull schit. its lonely and deprseeing. and geting along just on phone calles at the most random hours on both parts is not enought to keep the embers orange. one can say anything in a conversation, a relationship that consists of only conversation is fake and pointless. i could go up to a complete stranger and tell them that my name was Elisa Heimen and i lived in Tonwadana. not too far from the truth but a lie all the same. do you know what i mean?

and i defintly cant be by stander. not playing is not what i do. but to show up at the game without even being aloud to have an intention of playing, and watching everybody get into position? that situation doenst suit me at all.

i dont know if i even understand that analigy anymore. i gotto go to work.... im starting to feel a little better. but then again a litle more confused at the same time.

hey psycho i dont give two shits about you and what you think about me. so if you want to keep writing all that bs go right ahead, i laugh my ass off every time i see it.

<3 Lisa the whore!